It's mine

Victory, that is.

I made it through yesterday, which was one of the most physically uncomfortable days since the dawn of time. It was seriously overhot. I was so warm and chewing and choking down my air that the last thing I wanted to do was smoke.

Day two is looking and feeling much better.

I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Well, I quit smoking last night. I was and remain quite excited about that in itself. I read a book about the "Easyway" method of quitting smoking and just like that, my fear was gone. I wasn't giving up something, I was gaining everything.

However, not one hour after I extinguished my last cigarette ever, my cat got very sick. He was shitting blood, he was vomiting and at times, he was panting like a dog. I didn't know what to do. It was after 2:00am. My apartment was roughly 95 degrees because it never cools off in there, which is why I was up so late in the first place. So, eventually, my boyfriend took him into the bathroom, in case he needed to let loose from either end again while I cleaned up all the mess on the carpets. I ruined several towels and he ruined his catbed. Ryan took all that down to the dumpster and after assuring ourselves that he seemed in pretty good spirits again, we finally got to bed around 4:00. I wanted to have another "last" cigarette very badly, but we had thrown them all away and I did not.

Fast forward to 7:15 this morning when we were awoken by the familiar POUNDING of the jerkoffs putting a new roof on my building. I'm on the top floor. Each and EVERY morning for the last two weeks, they have started directly above my bed. I think they do it on purpose. I am starting to hate them on a personal level. They aren't supposed to start working until 8:30, but have started between 7:15 - 7:30 every day, even on Sundays. Ryan and I are both out of sorts and don't know if it should be blamed on the lack of cigarettes or the fact that we're going on less than four hours of sleep. We try to remind each other that we're in this together and to take care when talking to each other.

We end up leaving the house early. He wants to hit Starbucks, which I hate doing and it gives me an upset stomach. It's fine. We don't have to be at work for a while and if I had to sit and listen to them banging on the roof any longer, I was going to toss one of them off, 5 stories up or not.

We get to Starbucks and are in the drive through line and this young girl hits me. She hits my car fairly hard, but there is no damage. Ryan jumped out of the car and started yelling at her and got right into her face. I can see by her face that she's feeling threatened and is really upset. I tell him to get back in the car and then have to spend 5 minutes soothing her, even though she's the one that just caused this. She said she was tucking in her shirt and her foot slipped off the brake and onto the gas pedal. All this is going on while other people are behind us in line. We are holding up the works. The Sbux people are rude to me, as though I'm the one who caused the accident.

It was like a perfect storm of stress and emotion, all designed to get me to regret my decision to quit smoking. I haven't lit up yet and I don't intend to, but cheese and rice, today is proving to be a tough fucking day. I guess if I can make it through today, I can make it through anything.

My New Home

This was only the sixth place I looked at and when I initially did the drive by, I wasn't all that enamored with the place. The complex was small and intimate and the townhouse I was looking at was the farthest inside end unit, but still...I just wasn't 100% sold. The whole place needs a paint job.

Then on Tuesday, I met my real estate guy to take a look inside. I loved it. It is extremely private, from the back patio to all the windows. The only window you can look out and see other people is off the back deck of the master bedroom. We can look into the houses of the neighborhood behind us and they can do the same, if they happened to be sitting in their front yard.

Ryan and I went together and viewed it on Wednesday morning and just like that, I made an offer. She accepted that evening and all the sudden...no breaks. Things move very quickly in this beginning process. I've got the interest rate locked in at 5.375%, which I'm told is excellent. I have the inspection scheduled for Monday at 2:00pm and my mortgage broker told me the loan is set to close 30 days from yesterday.

Just like that, I'm a homeowner. I can't wait to move in. Behind our back patio is a strip of grass and just beyond the grass is a dirt area for me to use as I please. Some of my neighbors have flowers or shrubs planted, a few have actual gardens with vegetables planted. I'll have my garden!

Here is a photo of the complex itself. There are four buildings and each building has four units. I like it that it's small and that the entrances to each unit are staggered, so if I'm at my front door, I can't see my next door neighbor's front door.



Here is the front door. The current shrubs aren't anything to look at and my girlfriend has offered to donate a slew of succulents to put in that plot.



The kitchen is very good sized. Lots of cabinet space and matching, if not completely new, appliances. The shape is kind of funky, as you see in the next photo, but I like the angles.



Here I am with the real estate agent. I'm sure I'm saying something very important. The current stools at the eating bar need to go. They aren't comfortable at all. Ryan and I will find some comfortable ones we like.



The fireplace and back patio. There is a mirror above the fireplace, which will go immediately when we move in. It makes it look like the staircase is behind the fireplace. That would defy the laws of physics. Ryan didn't get any pictures of the staircase, but I wish he would have. It's very wide and I'm excited to get a railing that we like later on down the road.



We love the bay window, especially since it looks out past the fence into someone's backyard. The house on the lot next door is set way up, so it can't even be seen from the window. I want to fill it with plants. Ryan doesn't want me to. We'll see who wins that battle.



The back patio and deck off the master bedroom.



I didn't include pictures of the bedrooms because they have nothing in them yet to show the scale of how large they are. We're currently debating between using the master as a guest room/second living room and just moving our bed into the 2nd bedroom. We don't spend a ton of time in our bedroom, other than for sleeping or sexytime, so it's not a big deal if it's smaller than the master.

At any rate, I am thrilled to be moving out of my very small apartment and although the mortgage payment will take some time to get used to, it will be well worth it.

Going to look at a few places tomorrow

Well, this process is zipping right along. Faster than I thought possible, in fact. Sure, I haven't even looked at my first place yet, but I can see how easy it might be to buy the first thing I like and call it a day. That's why I have a friend who is very familiar with buying real estate and also very skeptical. She's coming along with me to view all the properties and has hooked me up with an agent.

Unfortunately, I had to expand my desired neighborhood a bit farther north than I was planning on, but the expansion has given me options with far more amenities and square footage with a smaller price tag.

I'll be contacting the mortgage broker today, but based on my own research, there are still great loans to be had right now, if you just dig around a bit.

Homeowner

Yes, I want to be a homeowner and I want it right now. I'm not sure if I can make it happen, but I've got my eye on a few condos and I'm going to contact a couple of banks to find out if I qualify for and FHA loan. I believe I do. If I can get one, I'll only need 3.5% down and with a $225k loan, that's only $8000. I can easily borrow that from my 401k and pay myself back with my $8000 tax refund.

I want a big, beautiful kitchen.



I won't get anything like that in a condo, but I could still get a nice kitchen.

I also want a garden.



I realize I won't get that with a condo, either. I can live with that.

My only dilemma lies in the fact that I need a two bedroom apartment in order to fit both myself and my boyfriend. He isn't financially viable to help out much. He will help out by contributing to the mortgage, but it won't be anywhere near 50/50 and would likely be closer to an 80/20 split.

It's scary to have to buy bigger in order to fit someone who is likely a permanent fixture in my life, but we never know what the future holds. I'm making a commitment for myself, but I'm also making one for him. He seems okay with it, but is feeling pretty cautious at the same time.

Updates as they happen.

Dear God

I just today discovered Sarah McLachlan (who knew her name was spelled like that? not me.) did a cover of this song. It wasn't bad at all, but for me, this one will always be superior. Her version is sung with sadness, but this singer manages sheer desperation towards the end.



I suppose if I was forced to define my religious affiliation, I'd be an atheist. I don't care for the label much, though. I truly do not believe there is a "God", per se. That doesn't mean there may not be little "g" gods or beings beyond our realm of understanding. It probably goes without saying, but I also think the idea that a divine hand had anything to do with capital "L" Life is utter nonsense. Does that leave me as an atheist or somewhere between? I guess that's why the label doesn't quite fit right. One thing I can appreciate about religion(s) is the idea that people who truly *need* to feel something is watching over them can use that to draw strength from in dark times. Whatever it takes to get you through the day and if that is God, Allah, Jehovah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, then you go on doing what you need to do.

Just keep it to yourself and keep your beliefs from interfering with my body and my peace of mind, thanks.





I could have gone with some of the more offensive anti-abortion propaganda, but no one needs to see that crap.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

I don't remember what story I was reading that linked to this website, but it was a few weeks ago and I still can't get it out of my head. I think these people do a necessary and vital service and wish more people knew they existed.

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/about_us/

I don't have children and it's unlikely I'll have them in the future, but I do have a heart and it was touched by these photos and the stories that go along with them. If you can support this non-profit organization with a donation, please, please do so!

Heat

It's too hot. I'm cranky and uncomfortable. What a world...what a world...

One, Two, Three...Four Day Weekend